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| Chapter - 07 |
| Facing People With Confidence And Energy |
The story is told about Julius Caesar who was commanding an expedition of foreign conquest through a mountainous region:
As they reached the top level of a long mountain they saw below them a broad valley. Across the valley was another long mountain. On top of it were the enemy troops, strongly settled in defense position. Caesar glanced at the sun which was descending rapidly into the western horizon. The offensive, the Roman general knew, had to be made before darkness set in. That meant that every man must be placed in attack position at once.
One of Caesar's lieutenants, in charge of messenger pigeons, spoke up, "Sir, we have 500 reserve troops camped 10 miles north. Also, the buglers are waiting at a point 10 miles south. We have only one pigeon left. Shall I send it to call up the troops?"
"No," Caesar replied. "It takes more than men to win battles. Send for the buglers. I need their stirring notes to send my troops charging into the enemy. Inspired action conquers all. Get the buglers here at once."
People are more than willing to follow the man who inspires them to daring action. Just as the bugle blasts energized Caesar's soldiers, so your courage can inspire men and women to follow your lead. Personal heroism is a magnificent necessity for influencing others.
"Confidence is conqueror of men." (Tupper)
As for energy, the classic author Goethe declares, "Energy will do anything that can be done in this world."
No matter what you want out of life you will get it ten times faster by facing people with full confidence and energy. No one really doubts the truth of that; we are all aware of how excellently we perform whenever we throw a courageous and energetic self into the thick of the task. Happily, these two qualities develop each other; as your confidence grows, so does your energy; and your energy has a way of inspiring you with fresh confidence.
The first few chapters of this book have supplied you with a variety of vital techniques for winning your way with others. This chapter adds some music to the words. Or, in mathematical terms it looks like this:
Technique + confidence + energy = victorious social relations.
If you ask, "How do I build more of these powers into my life?" the first step is:
Be a Mind Reader and Be More ConfidentWould you handle people with more zeal and certainty if you could read their minds? That's right. You would.
You can turn yourself into a mind reader and quite a skillful one at that. "Every man is a volume, if you know how to read him." (Channing) You enhance your self-assurance enormously once you learn to penetrate the other person's secret thoughts.
How can you do it? Let's consider Lawrence K. who operates a prosperous real estate firm.
He dropped in one afternoon with a challenging problem. "Quite often," he began, "I have trouble sizing up my prospect, I mean, I can't seem to get on to him as quickly and as accurately as is needed. If only I could find some way to deduce quickly the kind of a personality he is, I would know how to persuade him with maximum force. But you know how secretive people usually are; they don't give themselves away very easily. Even when you ask questions that they should gladly answer for their own benefit they have a way of clamming up; for instance, I always try to find out just how much a client wants to invest in his home, but the answer is often evasive. That's the problem. How can I make a prompt appraisal of my man? Is there such a system?"
"There is. And it will give you a surprisingly clear insight into the mind of your man."
"I'm listening."
"Let's illustrate the process. Supposing you walk past a tree and notice a single orange on it. Although you saw only one orange, you know that there must be more oranges somewhere behind the leaves. You realize that one orange indicates more fruit of a like nature." I see.
"Here is the point: By observing a single character trait in the other man you can promptly make a whole series of deductions about his nature as a whole. Just as a certain kind of fruit indicates the presence of other fruit of a similar nature, so does one type of attitude indicate others similar to it. Take, for instance, the attitude of secretiveness that you mentioned. Name a character trait that it allied to extreme secretiveness."
"Fear."
"That's right. Your man may worry that you will try to sell him a more expensive home than he can afford, or maybe he hesitates to admit that he has very little money for a down payment. Let's go on with our deductions. Now that you realize that you have both a secretive and a frightened man in front of you, what else can you logically deduce—in other words, what are some other negative attitudes that accompany there two?"
"Anxiety and tension."
"All right. Now that you know that you have a tense prospect, what can you do as an expert salesman to reduce his tension over buying a house?"
"For one thing, I could assure him that I will take care of as many of the details as possible. Lots of people secretly worry over escrow charges and other financial aspects."
"There you have it. By first observing a single mental trait in your man you have found several others that go with it. That gave you a sound base from which to work at relieving your man's mind. His relief is your persuasion."
As Lawrence steadily practices his mind-reading act he will become a far more effective people-persuader. And so will you if you will do likewise.
Perhaps the greatest value of this method is that it permits you to take the bold initiative in swinging another around to what you want. The other man is not going to come right out and admit that he is anxious over this or worried over that, because it is his desire to give an impression of being confident and at ease. But when you become aware of his actual condition you can take the lead in putting him at ease.
It is an excellent idea to practice your mind-reading act habitually as you go about your daily affairs at home and while doing business. Remember these steps:
1. Observe a dominant characteristic displayed by the other person, perhaps a negative one such as worry, or maybe a positive one such as cheeriness.
2. Deduce other character traits that normally go with it, for instance, a worrisome state would indicate confusion; while a cheerful condition would mean that that person is also more or less receptive to your suggestions.
3. Work at influencing one of his conditions. Try to reduce the anxiety of the worried man. Show the receptive man the many benefits to be won by signing on your dotted line.
Experiment with this for awhile. You will be pleasantly surprised at your growing ability to read the other person's mind and character. From that point on it is but a short step toward winning him over.
It's Good to Break the Rules
For many years it was a tradition in the theater that an actor should never turn his back on his audience. Because of that rule no actor or actress ever dared to do so. One evening a certain actor decided to test the validity of the tradition. During one scene in which he was supposed to be gazing upward at the stars in reverence and wonderment, he turned his back on the audience. What happened as a result of the experiment? He uncovered a highly effective dramatic technique that impressed audiences everywhere. Nowadays, actors and actresses follow the new rule with considerable success.
This anecdote introduces you to a vital point concerning your dealings with other people. To face men and women with greater confidence and energy, start breaking some of the traditional rules—of a negative nature—which you may have been following up to now.
You probably have a fairly good idea of your line of action when it comes to handling the people in your life. Think things over until you discover some of the actions and attitudes which seem to be holding you back from full power. Now start breaking the rules. Here are 10 typical traditions which should be broken and replaced at once:
1. OLD RULE: Permitting another's mere opinion to
influence you.
New Rule: Examine all opinions for actual value.
2. OLD RULE: Thinking that you have reached the limit of
your power with people.
New Rule: Realize that there are vast and unexplored
areas of mastery in dealing with others.
3. OLD RULE: Drawing back in dismay when confronted
with a baffling problem in persuading
people.
New Rule: Work and experiment with the 'problem
until the solution finally appears.
4. OLD RULE: Waiting and hoping for other people to
come to you with good things.
New Rule: Take the initiative in going toward people
with exciting ideas for mutual benefit.
5. OLD RULE: Expecting too much of people.
New Rule: Permit people to behave pretty much like
people.
6. OLD RULE: Thinking that the persuasion of people is a
hard chore.
New Rule: Know that skill in human relations is a
delightful adventure.
7. OLD RULE: Spending time with another.
New Rule: Make yourself interesting to the one with
whom you spend your time.
8. OLD RULE: Permitting gloomy people to distract and
discourage you from your declared goals.
New Rule: Keep your attention and intention on the
prizes you want from other people.
9. OLD RULE: Giving in to anger or upset when a
disagreement arises with someone.
New Rule: Honestly and fairly search out the real
reason the disagreement upset you as it did.
10. OLD RULE: Pretending that you are having a good time
because that is what you are expected to do.
New Rule: Have a good time because you are doing
what you really want to do.
Let's see how an official of a travel agency successfully broke and replaced the rule listed at point 3. (This is the one where you valiantly advance toward a solution, rather than give in to dismay.)
This businessman's agency had prepared a booklet which described the exciting adventures awaiting those who engaged their services. It was loaded with appeal for those contemplating a vacation voyage. There were color photographs of the romantic beaches of the South Seas islands. One page described buried pirate's treasure worth $5,000,000 which some lucky traveler just might stumble upon. The booklet's last page described various cruises and tours which the reader might select.
The booklets were set in the lobby of the agency with a sign above them reading TAKE ONE. For some reason or other they were not picked up in quantities that the official had hoped for. Was the time and expense he had put into the booklets going to waste? At first it seemed so. But could something be done about it? He firmly believed so.
After thinking things through he made a simple change in the sign above the booklets. He removed the one reading TAKE ONE and replaced it with another sign with the invitation YOU MAY TAKE ONE.
The results? Almost twice as many visitors took them home, and, of course, that many more became interested in the services offered.
Two little words, but what an impact on people!
Once that official had made up his mind that there was a solution to his problem, here is how his mind reasoned its way to success: "The TAKE ONE sign sounds like an order, not like an invitation. It's too cold and abrupt. But its replacement of YOU MAY TAKE ONE conveys a feeling of warmth and cordiality. Everyone responds to an invitation with that much personal friendliness."
Fill in the following black spaces with your own old rules which you intend to break, then add the new ones which guarantee your immediate progress.
1. OLD RULE: ____________________________
New rule: ____________________________
2. OLD RULE: ____________________________
New rule: ____________________________
3. OLD RULE: ____________________________
New rule: ____________________________
4. OLD RULE: ____________________________
New rule: ____________________________
5. LD RULE: ____________________________
New rule: ____________________________
There is the story of little Billy who was told by his mother that his country cousin Peter was coming for a visit. Billy excitedly awaited the day for Peter to arrive. Finally, as the visitor stepped from the train little Billy burst into tears of disappointment.
"Why are you crying?" his astonished mother asked.
"Because," came the sobbing reply, "I thought Peter was a rabbit."
Little Billy set himself up for that disappointment by prejudging the nature of his visitor. And that is something to avoid in all your human contacts. Do not label people when first meeting them. Notice how we have the tendency to do this. We meet someone for the first time and at once we begin to judge them as being "nice" or maybe "not so pleasant" or perhaps as "weak" or maybe as "dangerous" to our welfare.
First impressions are quite often wrong because they are usually based upon our habitual attitudes toward people in general, and not on the present person as he actually is. And once we have made a wrong judgment about someone we force ourselves into wrong acts and attitudes—and away flies our power for persuading them. You may have had the experience of disliking someone at first glance, then later discovering in him a valuable friend. The fact was, he was the very same person all along; it was simply that your attitude toward that person changed.
The point is, do not deliberately adopt any particular attitude toward a person whom you meet for the first time. It often causes confusion and considerable uncertainty. Rather, let the other person reveal himself to you. Once he does so you can handle him realistically and with far more skill and confidence.
If the prejudging of people results in confused interpersonal relations, then how can we look at strangers so as to command them instantly? Here is how to get rid of fear of people in six seconds.
Richard B. is a banking official with an important and responsible position. Among other duties, the bank depends upon his ability to create goodwill among those who come in on matters of finance. The bank couldn't have picked a better man for the position, for Richard is one of those smooth and sincere charmers who wins the respect of male clients and the confidence of the ladies.
A natural-born charmer? Richard himself would be the first to deny any special favors from nature when it came to handing out captivating personalities.
"I was just as shy and awkward as anyone," he admitted. "That is, until I learned a secret that changed the entire course of my life. It also helped double my salary."
"Go ahead," I urged. "Tell me the secret."
"I call it the Think Back system. It's been my own special method for ridding myself of fear of people almost instantly. It never fails."
"How about some details?"
"Take a typical afternoon a few years ago when an important executive of a fifty-million dollar industry called in for my counsel. Maybe he wanted information on the financing of an expansion program. Well, at that time I was a bit jittery at the idea of handling such an important man. You know how it goes; you hope to make a good impression, you want to make sure that you satisfy his needs, and so on. Let me tell you that there's nothing like being scared for making you act like a complete idiot. I fumbled and fooled and managed to get by without fouling up the deal but that was about all. I wasn't calm or confident or resourceful—I was just plain ill at ease, or call it scared. I knew I had to do something about it and quick. I did. The Think Back technique did it."
"How does it work?"
"It's very simple. Have you ever noticed that the better you know someone the less frightening he becomes to you? He gets more human, perhaps a bit faulty; you get to see him through the eyes of reality, not through those of a blown-up imagination. As he becomes more human, you become less frightened. That, in a nutshell, is the secret. Whenever I got overly impressed with someone I began to Think Back to a previous person who used to scare me. I thought of how my timidity vanished as we got to know each other better. Then I pictured the man in front of me as already humanized. I got to musing as to how often he lost his temper in the highway traffic and wondered if he sometimes worried whether or not his children would turn out okay. Soon I was at ease with that man, and he with me. It had taken me about three seconds to Think Back to previous people who had once scared me and about three seconds more to remember that this man in front of me was also pretty much human. That's how to get rid of fear of people in six seconds."
Anyone can face other people with full confidence and energy. All it takes is the retraining of mental attitudes. The Dutch philosopher Spinoza declared, "I saw that all the things I feared . . . had nothing good or bad in them save in so far as the mind was affected by them." Whenever you find yourself timid or hesitant, try to find some small opening for retraining your attitudes.
One man who was hesitant about offering his opinions when with others demanded the following retraining exercise of himself: At least three times during a social occasion he would break the silence by speaking up. He never tried to say anything especially clever or of earth-shaking significance; the whole idea was to get used to hearing himself say something, say anything. In time he found himself forgetting that it was a retraining program; he began to speak up naturally, spontaneously, and with far more talent than he thought possible.
Familiarity breeds confidence. We all know this to be true when it comes to learning to drive an automobile or acquiring skill in sports. The same principle of familiarity can rapidly build more confidence and energy into your social relations.
Set your mind aside. Don't think. Make contact. Repeatedly. Watch fear flee!
How to Keep Yourself ExcitedThere was once a Pennsylvania businessman who consistently asked himself the question, "What do I want?"
The answer he consistently heard from himself was, "I want to sell lots of candy to lots of people."
That answer kept him on fire with confidence and energy. It gave him power and drive for plunging through so-called obstacles and setbacks. He wanted to sell lots of candy to lots of people. That was what he wanted from the world of people. Anything else—especially failure—was brushed aside as a triviality.
His confidence and energy made him a millionaire.
The whole thing started in a small rented building in Philadelphia. The venturesome candymaker worked over his stove and kettles to turn out penny candies for the neighborhood children. So many youngsters skipped into his shop that he soon had to move to a larger building. It looked like success was just around the corner. But something happened. He ran out of working capital. That ended the candymaker's success for the moment, but it didn't dim his confidence and energy. He still knew what he wanted—to sell lots of candy to lots of people.
Again he plunged into business. His confections were sold to both retail and wholesale outlets. Things looked good. But again he ran into financial difficulties. The demands from the sugar refineries for payment outran his collections from his own slowpaying customers. That ended his participation in that phase of his career, but it didn't end his dream of persuading lots of people to buy lots of his candy.
The excited candymaker finally settled upon Lancaster, Pennsylvania as the headquarters for another major venture. He and the four employees of the Lancaster Caramel Company were soon turning out tasty candy that sold by the truckloads. So enthusiastic was the public welcome to his sweets that the company was forced to expand to cover a city block. The number of employees swelled to two thousand. Finally, an offer came from a rival candy company. The head of the Lancaster Caramel Company was shown a certified check for $1,000,000. Would he sell for that figure? He would. He did.
But our enthusiastic candymaker was not ready to retire from business. He had made money, lots of money, but he still wanted to sell lots of candy to lots of people. He wondered how he could persuade even more people to taste his sweets. In a small way he began to experiment with candy bars made of milk chocolate. The very first time his customers tasted them they were persuaded to buy lots of them. Business prospered amazingly.
Today, the influence of that candymaker is felt every day by millions of people all over the world. To put it mildly, lots of people buy lots of his candy. His name? You have heard it: Milton Hershey. His business? The Hershey Chocolate Corporation of Hershey, Pennyslvania.
Milton Hershey faced his public with full confidence and energy because he knew what he wanted. He won what he wanted.
What do you want from the world of people? Let your desire inspire you. Release it fully. Never mind what you think about your goal. Concentrate solely on the goal itself. That is how you win it.
If you know what you want from people, what next? What else can you do to insure success? That is what we next take up.
I often ask successful people whether they have particular techniques which keep them excited toward their plans. One man, a junior executive in the meat-packing industry, explained his secret system for pushing his programs of people-persuasion:
Whenever I feel tempted to slack off in my efforts I ask myself whether I want to cheat myself. That is exactly what I do whenever I give in to dismay or indifference. Since I don't want to miss out on the best of life, I come alive fast. Off I plunge into a fresh adventure for winning people.
Here is how I organize my enthusiasm. At the end of each month I write down its name on the top of a slip of paper. If the month happens to be January I list all the good things that came my way during that period as a result of my efforts. For example, I might list the name of a new business client worth an extra 50 dollars per month in commissions. Maybe I write down the name of a clubwoman who offered to give my company some newspaper publicity. Down go all the names of people who helped promote my business life or my personal affairs.
Next I take another slip of paper and head it with the new month, in this case, February. Under it I add nothing; there is blank space only. I set the two slips side by side and consider them carefully. Because of my energetic persistence I have won all those valuable prizes in January. Had I not persisted, or had I slackened my effort, I would surely have cheated myself of some of them. I ask myself right then and there whether I want a blank page at the end of the present month of February or whether I want progress. Let me tell you, when I see the cold facts of what my persistence does for me there is no stopping me from plunging ahead in February also.
At the end of each month I show myself what I won during that period. That little reminder keeps me speeding forward in my people-persuading programs during March and April and all the rest of the year. Who wants to be left out? Not I!
The feeling of missing out on something is one of the busiest of all emotions (but one of the least admitted, for people like to put up a front of being contented). This emotion can work for you or against you, depending upon what you do with it. "Strong impulses are but another name for energy." (John Stuart Mill). Here is a perfect opportunity for taking an apparently negative feeling and turning it into a constructive force that carries you forward.
Decide right now that you are not going to be left out of all the riches that await you in better human relations. That decision will keep you confident and will charge you with new energy. And it just so happens that your confidence and your energy are two reliable people-persuaders all by themselves.
Dynamic Ideas to Remember1. Your energetic confidence is the magnet that attracts instant attention and maintains constant respect from others.
2. "The great characteristic of men of active genius is a sublime self-confidence. . ." (E. P. Whipple)
3. Throw all your available enthusiasms into your people-persuading plans. You will discover that the more you spend your energies the more you have.
4. Practice the techniques for becoming a mind reader. Knowing what is on the other person's mind is a major secret for commanding him.
5. Dare to break away from all negative attitudes that restrict your progress with people. Example: Abandon the notion that human attitudes cannot be changed and improved. You, for one, can change them.
6. Practice the Think Back technique supplied in this chapter.
7. Get closer acquainted with people or situations which baffle you. Familiarity breeds confidence.
8. Definition of courage: The willingness to do some new thing today that you didn't do yesterday.
9. Repeatedly remind yourself of what you want from the world of people. Your very desire inspires confidence and determination. "What we seek, we shall find. . . ." (Emerson)
10. Make up your mind that you will not cheat yourself out of richer relations with people. Any man who thinks he has to be left out, just thinks so.
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