Chapter - 09

How To Get Other People To Promote Your Interests

There was the wife who worriedly told her husband, "William, I'm worried about our little Tommy."

Asked Dad, "Why? What's he done?"

"Instead of doing his yard work he gets someone else to do it for him. I'm afraid he has no ability to work things out for himself."

"Ability?" Dad delightedly exclaimed. "Why, that boy has executive ability."

One of the surest signs of a successful leader is the ability to get others to promote the common interests—which include the leader's interests also.

History is rich with examples of men who climbed to the top of their respective worlds by surrounding themselves with able lieutenants who helped carry out their programs. George Washington was assisted by Benjamin Franklin and Alexander Hamilton. Thomas Edison and Henry Ford surrounded themselves with top-rank scientists and inventors.

Never try to do too much all by yourself. Look around for those who can do you some good. Interdependence is a law of life and one fully employed by wise and resourceful leaders. Self-dependence is absolutely necessary, but this does not at all mean that you must exclude others; it means that you are so sure-minded that you know that others can and will promote your interests. The man who withdraws excessively from other people betrays his lack of trust in both himself and others.

Seek to add valuable people to your life. This means that you should invest in a personal plan for making fresh contacts and for enriching your present ones. Try the following pointers for better contacts:

1. Know exactly what you want from it.

2. Make varied contacts for your specific purpose.

3. Ask the contact itself to suggest mutual profit.

4. Work at making one contact lead to another.

5. Find ways to enrich a present association.

6. Discover how others add valuable people.

7. Develop new ways for meeting people.

8. Circulate among valuable people.

Along with this, remember to work steadily at making yourself a valuable person. This enables your various contacts to recognize you as such. Like attracts like, success appeals to success. I want to tell you a remarkable story that illustrates this truth:

John J. Pershing was born in Laclede, Missouri. The son of a railroad worker, he had no special advantages to help him, yet he managed to get into West Point by competitive examination. After graduation he went into action against Apache warriors and later commanded his men in the Spanish-American War. Came the Philippine Insurrection and the efficient John J. Pershing was given command of an expedition against the savage Moros. His expert leadership caught the eye of a prominent person—no less than President Theodore Roosevelt. During the Russo-Japanese War the increasingly-valuable Pershing was sent to Manchuria as an observer. His report back to Washington, D. C. was so brilliantly prepared that he once more made a profound impression upon President Roosevelt.

At this time he was known as Captain Pershing.

But he had made himself valuable to another valuable person.

That is why Captain Pershing was promoted to the rank of Brigadier General John J. Pershing.

In one of the most spectacular promotions in the military history of the United States, President Roosevelt jumped Pershing over the head of 862 senior officers.

Pershing's value as a soldier brought him additional fame when he pursued and dispersed Pancho Villa and his bandits below the Mexican border. This skillful action caught the eye of another valuable person—President Woodrow Wilson. John J. ("Black Jack") Pershing climaxed his valuable career by serving as Commander-in-Chief of the American Expeditionary Force in World War I.

To summarize: you can get other people to promote your interests by becoming valuable to them. Therefore, become more and more valuable yourself while contacting other people of value. Such a system just can't miss. States Professor Harry Overstreet:

It is good news that our life can grow in power and happiness as it links itself productively to life other than our own: through willed knowledge, through responsibility, through grace and clarity of words, through empathetic feeling, through sexual understanding, through philosophic grasp.1

Establish an Agreeable Atmosphere

You have the power to set the kind of atmosphere you want. And the kind you want is that which induces others to promote your interests.

One of two things always happens whenever you make contact with another person:

1. You establish the general atmosphere that you want.

2. He sets the scene according to his wishes.

If you take instant charge of the atmosphere, you are far more likely to walk away with what you want. To state it in reverse, if you lose control of the situation you are also likely to lose out as far as your purpose is concerned.

By atmosphere we mean the over-all emotional and mental climate between and surrounding two people. It also includes the attitudes and moods of both parties. A board meeting of an industrial corporation would function best when dominated by an atmosphere of alertness and efficiency. If your objective is to persuade voters to cast their ballots for you, the atmosphere of enthusiasm and excitement would help turn the trick. The correct way to calm down an angry or upset person would be to establish an atmosphere of quiet patience.

How important is it to set the right mood? Extremely. The movie-makers know it. That is why a mystery story may open with shuddery music and storm-drenched castle perched on the edge of the cliff. It is why they introduce you to a musical show by bombarding you with peppy tunes and lively actions.

At this point I want to pass on to you a truth about human nature that may surprise you. It will also enable you to magically establish and control the atmosphere of all your meetings with other people.

*H. A. Overstreet, The Mature Mind (New York: W. W. Norton and Company, Inc., 1949).

The surprising fact is this: People often do not know what kind of an atmosphere is supposed to be "correct" for an occasion. Consequently they wait to see how others are acting and reacting. They then follow along according to what is supposed to be "proper" or "natural." A few days ago I was invited to a party. Because of a previously planned business appointment I arrived an hour late. As I walked up to the door I expected to hear noises that sounded like a party. Instead, as I entered, it sounded like and looked like a prayer meeting. Everyone was sitting stiffly around the room engaged in nervous and embarrassed small talk. All were waiting for someone to set a lively mood, (which the rest would have immediately joined). I felt like tossing a bomb into the center of the room just to loosen things up.

You see, people are afraid to take the lead in establishing a lively and relaxed atmosphere for fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, or maybe because their shyness compels them to remain inconspicuous. Not being sure of the "right" things to do, they play it safe by doing nothing.

What an opportunity for the daring personality!

If you will boldly and tactfully take charge of any situation which presents itself, you can turn it into whatever is best for both you and the other people concerned. You will have instant command over everyone within range of the atmosphere you have created. As an extra bonus, they will be grateful to you for showing them how to act.

In all human contacts there operates what might be called the Law of Similar Response. This simply means that other people will respond to your approach in a like manner. If you are gloomy, that's the way they will feel; if you are gay, their spirits tend to soar. The French novelist Victor Hugo explains how this law operates in a love affair: "The first symptom of true love in a man is timidity, in a girl it is boldness. The two sexes have a tendency to approach, and each assumes the qualities of the other/'

It will help you to develop agreeable atmospheres by recalling the childhood game of Follow the Leader. You remember the simple rules: The leader takes the foremost position in line and walks around the room or yard, while climbing over obstacles or making various kinds of gestures. In order to remain in the game, the others must obediently imitate the leader's actions.

Let's employ Mr. A. and Mr. B. to illustrate the differences between the man who establishes an agreeable atmosphere and the man who carelessly lets himself get absorbed by whatever emotional climate he happens to run into.
Whenever Mr. A. wants someone to do something for him, he takes personal responsibility for setting a background of relaxation, friendliness, sincerity . . . Mr. B., on the other hand, fails in his mission because he doesn't prepare a setting agreeable to the other man.

When Mr. A. wants to impress another with the serious need for his program, he seriously supplies good reasons why it should be supported . . . but Mr. B. fails to present facts to back up his stand.

Whenever Mr. A. meets a stranger, he walks up and speaks to him promptly and confidently . . . Mr. B. waits for the other man to take the initiative.

If Mr. A. wishes to establish a cheery and relaxed atmosphere, he acts cheery himself . . . Mr. B. remains sober-faced, while wondering why everyone is sober-faced to him.

Whenever Mr. A. wishes another person to work faster, he sets an example by acting and speaking with full-speed enthusiasm . . . Mr. B. cannot influence anyone to greater effort because he fails personally to set the proper pace.

Any time Mr. A. wants others to have confidence in him, he establishes the atmosphere of confidence by acting decisively and with self-assurance . . . Mr. B. does nothing more than hope that others have confidence in him.

In other words, Mr. A. deliberately creates the setting that will cause the other person to respond favorably . . . Mr. B. sits around and lets others take control, often even making himself the victim of negative control.

How do you take charge of the atmosphere? No mystery. You just step up and do it. Command comes to the man with the daring to take it!

Recently I witnessed a delightful example of this while a guest at a friend's home in the countryside. My host was trying to persuade his pretty wife to swim with us in their newly built pool. Having some timidity toward the water, she doubtfully shook her head. With a happy grin on his face her husband went to work on her with appeals like these: "You’ll be the prettiest girl on the waves ... I can hardly wait to have you in the water . . . Think of all the fun you'll have."

That established an agreeable atmosphere for her. She soon joined us in the water.
Remember to take the initiative in setting the favorable atmosphere that you want. That is how to reap its benefits. This is one of the magic powers which you have for mastering and commanding people.

Why You Should Let Others Serve You

Listen to what that brilliant French observer of human nature, La Rochefoucauld, has to say about human preference:

"We prefer being with people we can do things for, rather than being with people who do things for us."

Why do you suppose that we like to do things for others? And why do you imagine that other people like to do favors for us?

It's not really difficult to understand. We have already seen that everyone has a deep yearning to be wanted and desired, to be called upon and asked, to feel needed and necessary.

How does the other person fulfill these constant cravings?

Largely by doing things for you.

Whenever anyone does you a favor or gives you a helping hand, he enhances his own feelings of self-worth. The more he is able to serve you the better he feels toward both himself and you.

The plain fact is, the other person not only wants to serve your interests but his very own personal happiness depends upon it to a major degree. Psychologists have long known that the unhappiest people are those who feel useless and unwanted, while those who pass joyous days are those who have found themselves of help to others.

One of the strangest facts about human thinking is that a man knows that he needs other people desperately, but fails to realize that other people need him with equal intensity. This idea is worth thinking through until its enormous implications stir you to aggressive action. When you realize how much other people need to do things for you, great things begin to happen. Emperor Julius Caesar once declared, "No music is so charming to my ear as the requests of my friends."

You enrich both yourself and the other person when you permit him to do things for you. That is a primary rule to remember whenever you wish to persuade other people to promote your interests.

It may strike you as somewhat amusing, but the question, "What can I do for you?" is often not nearly as effective as the silently asked, "What can you do for me?"

Exactly how do we go about permitting others to serve us?

By request.

That's all. Just ask them.

Not necessarily by a directly spoken request, but by the tactful suggestion, and by pointing out the mutual benefits that will result from their agreement. One request like this produced one of the greatest songs ever written in the United States.

One Saturday evening many years ago an entertainer named Dan Emmett was leaving the theater when he was hailed by its manager, "Dan, we need a new song right away. Can you come up with something that'll put excitement into the show? We need your talents desperately."

The next day was a rainy one, so Dan Emmett stayed home to think over the request. As he walked about the room the phrase, "I wish I was in Dixie" ran repeatedly through his mind. With that good start, his inspired pen soon had a complete song down on paper. "Dixie" was a smash hit the moment it was published. People have been light-heartedly singing and whistling it ever since.

All because of a simple request.

Incidentally, mature and self-reliant individuals often tend to forget and ignore this system for winning their way. They somehow have the feeling their independence demands that they do everything for themselves, but the fact is, this is an interdependent world where we all need each other. It is a sign of neither selfishness nor weakness to ask things from other people; when properly done, it is the mark of an intelligent person.

To keep his staff of salesmen reminded of the value of the simple request, one sales manager has printed this stirring message on the wall of the conference room:

Ask all!

Ask all you meet. Ask all the time. Ask all the ways. Ask all over again. Ask all!

While we are still on the subject of making known your requests, let's add this good plan: Don't hesitate to ask more of people.

A man once told me, somewhat proudly, "You know, I get everything I ask from people."

I told him, "Then you are not asking for nearly enough. And the reason you don't ask for more is because you are afraid you won't get it. Anyone can get a little if he asks for a little. It takes genuine courage to ask for something when there is some doubt in your mind whether or not you will get it. Keep asking without any regard as to whether or not you will get it. If you have the courage to stick with it, you will eventually get much more."

The test is simple enough. Draw up a two-column list. In the left-hand space write down what you want from people. In the right-hand column write down what you are getting. How do they compare? Maybe the reason you are not getting more is because you are not tactfully asking for more. It is just as much your right to ask things of other people as it is for them to ask of you; so no longer hesitate. That is how you may find your two columns balancing to your total satisfaction.

You can get others to promote your interests once you learn:

How to Predict What People Will Do

Every once in a while you watch a television drama in which you see a certain type of interesting action. It is often climactic to the plot and usually goes something like this:

Our Western hero is sent as an ambassador of peace by the U. S. Army to a warlike tribe of Indians. As evening falls he rides alone and fearlessly into the Indian camp, followed and surrounded by warriors in fierce warpaint. Our hero takes his place around the campfire and tries to talk the stern-faced chief and his medicine man out of their warlike intentions. He politely warns them that the white men have mighty weapons capable of destroying the entire tribe with one fiery blast.

The chief, really being a good sort of Indian at heart, is inclined to talk peace with our hero. But not the medicine man. He dances in rage around the campfire, shaking his spear at the darkening sky.

Just as the medicine man is about to win the growling braves over to the side of war, our hero slowly and with great deliberation rises to his feet. With folded arms he looks up at the full moon hanging motionless in the clear evening sky. Our hero's silent and mysterious manner causes a hush to fall on the tribe. Wonderingly, all stare upward at the moon. Our hero speaks with authority: "To prove the mighty power of the white man ... I command the moon to disappear!"

Our hero raises his hand skyward. A gasp escapes the tribe as darkness slowly creeps across the face of the moon. As the moon disappears the Indians fall to their knees in trembling awe.

A moment later our hero again raises his hand—and the shadow crawls off the moon, leaving it full and bright and yellow. The medicine man drops his spear and creeps away.

The warriors gaze in admiration at our hero. The chief embraces him as a brother. Peace has been won.

Because our hero knew something about the science of astronomy he could accurately predict that eclipse of the moon. That gave him the power to persuade the tribe toward peace.

Likewise if you can predict how a man will react in a particular situation, you can employ your prediction for winning your way.

How can you build your persuasiveness through your powers of prophecy? That is what we want to find out right now.

The first vital principle to remember when predicting human behavior is that we human beings do not always act as logically or as beneficially as we like to think we do. That is why you must not expect others to act the way you think they should act. Human beings are often illogical, fickle, evasive. You cannot walk up to a man and ask him how he will react to a certain situation, for his reply will be slanted perhaps by a desire to appear very wise, or it may be colored by his attempt to live up to his self-image of being a courageous individual. He will tell you what he wants you to believe about himself, plus what he wants to believe about himself.

In his book Why People Buy, Louis Cheskin further explains:

People's behavior is not predictable by asking them what they will do or how they will act in relation to a product. They either don't know what they will do or they think they know but don't think they should tell you.2

2Why People Buy, by Louis Chesldin. By permission of LIVERIGHT, Publishers, N. Y. Copyright 1959, by Louis Cheskin.

So if people do not always respond to your persuasions according to clear-thinking logic, what does motivate them to vote for this political candidate or to buy that make of automobile or to go along with this man's ideas? Let's find out.

People react according to their dominating desires and to their habitual emotional states. The stronger the desire the more forceful the reaction. If you offer self-advancement to any man you can be sure of an eagerly agreeable response; everyone wants to get ahead. If you propose a daring plan of action to a timid person you can accurately predict hesitation and indecision on his part. By studying the inner man of the other man you can discover what really motivates him. From there you can prophecy his behavior with an astonishing degree of success.

The story is recalled about the lawyer who called one afternoon at a luxurious country estate to transact some legal business with a wealthy client. As he entered he saw that tea was being served to a number of guests, several attractive women among them. The dignified hostess approached and handed him a cup of tea with the invitation, "If you like, there are some nice cookies in the next room." The lawyer declined with, "No thanks, I already have a date with a blonde."

That is a humorous illustration of how a man responds according to his private interests, according to what he really has on his mind. Had that hostess understood him a bit better, she would not have offered him pastry-type cookies!

Let's examine two more dominating desires which make people respond as they do:

1. People desire to impress others with their better qualities, while minimizing or hiding the less acceptable ones. This is an oh-so-obvious trait of human nature, nevertheless one that should be remembered when you want to establish harmonious interpersonal relations. Everyone likes to appear in the best light possible; however, our inner responses to a situation will be according to how we really feel toward it. It is important that you learn the secret thoughts and feelings of the other man.

Example:

I once heard the supervisor of a chain gasoline station give a talk to a group of new employees. What he said to them indicated expert ability to predict the reactions of motorists who drove in. He told them, "Whenever a man tells you to fill up his tank, don't overfill it to where you spill gas on the ground. He may not say anything to you about it because he doesn't want to appear cheap, but you can be sure that he's feeling resentment of some sort. After all, you are wasting his gasoline."
2. A doctor who makes frequent lecture tours around this city once had this to say during a newspaper interview:

I have five different talks dealing with various matters of healthy and happy living. I can always predict which meetings will draw the largest audience. It will be the one where I announce my subject as sex.

Of course. Any healthy individual will respond with aroused interest in anything relating to sex. This is nothing new to the professional persuaders. They predict quite accurately a heavy purchase of those vitamins and soaps and styles which promise to make a man more manly and to turn a lady into a slyly seductive sorceress- Happily for all this, both sexes eagerly go along with the persuasive promises. Nature sees to it that women do their best to look good to men. And in all recorded history there has never been a single case of any sensible healthy male who preferred playing checkers to making love.

Summary: Self-knowledge is the greatest power you possess for predicting another's behavior or for understanding his desires. How does self-information supply you with facts about the other person? Like this: If you clearly see your own desires and motives and passions you will be able to discern them in others. For one thing, insight into your own nature enables you to reflect, "Well, this is how I would respond in this particular situation, therefore, the other person would also respond according to the same laws governing human behavior." Let someone hold up before you a dish of delicious strawberry shortcake topped with whipped cream and a merry cherry. You will respond with desire to consume it. Do you think the person next to you feels any differently? Not if he's human!

Easy Ways to Win Promotion

1. Keep adding valuable people to your life. Make your-self valuable to them.

2. Whatever your plans may be, get as much help as possible from other people. Interdependence is a cheery law of life.

3. Follow the eight rules given in this chapter for investing in rich contacts.

4. Remember the story of Brigadier General John J. Pershing. Let it keep you excited at your own opportunities for promotion.

5. Decide that you will establish the types of atmospheres that contribute most to your plans.

6. Never permit a negative atmosphere to turn you into its own kind, rather switch it into the positive kind you want.

7. Freely permit others to contribute to your advancement. They need to feel needed.

8. Develop the art of simply asking for what you want. Use the various techniques offered throughout this book.

9. You probably should ask for more from people. The reason so many people have so little is because they ask for so little.

10. You can predict human behavior to an amazingly accurate degree. Use this power for getting others to promote your interests.

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