Chapter - 10

Personal Powers That Make You A Leader And An Authority

Have you ever noticed the tremendous attraction that power has for all of us? Power of all kinds hypnotizes our attention and excites our emotions: The giant space rocket sends a thrill through us as it zooms powerfully skyward. Crashing thunder and leaping lightning hold us in a strange sort of fascination. Notice how the grand mightiness of music causes us to hold our breath, as when hearing the throbbing rhythm of The Battle Hymn of the Republic.

Wherever you find it, "Power, like the diamond, dazzles the beholder." (Colton)

That is why we now want to dig into the topic of personal power. Your power. This is the element that not only makes you as dazzling as you need to be, but it is the blazing torch that lights your path toward leadership and authority.

Whether you realize it or not, your need for power is already matched by your possession of that energy. Accept this as a fact. Your acceptance makes possible your personal forcefulness. Niagara Falls is powerful, but man had to first of all realize and accept its power as already existing. That turned its power into creativity. States Dr. Rollo May, ". . . the unique powers and initiative of each individual must be rediscovered, and used as a basis for work which contributes to the good . . ."x

The goal of this chapter is to turn what you really are into what you can really do. Power-packed action will be your daily experience.

A survey made by a group of psychologists at one of our universities came up with the conclusion that individual strength was the most admired character trait of all. This is easy to understand, inasmuch as character-strength is made up of so many praiseworthy traits, such as maturity, decisiveness, courtesy, and the ability to think independently.

One of the friendliest facts you will ever encounter is that personal power can lead you to everything you want from others. People gladly associate with and give to the strong person. Why? Because he gives them both the sense of security and the gentle guidance that they need. We like to be around the man who is sure of himself because he makes us a bit surer of ourselves. Think about those people to whom you are especially attracted and you will find that they possess above-average portions of individual strength. Sir Winston Churchill is a perfect historical example of a man whose private power burst forth into public prominence and acclaim.

The wise American author Walt Whitman once penned, "Nothing endures but personal qualities."

We can accurately add, "Nothing works quite so well in human relations as personal qualities." Sometimes after looking around for all sorts of guides and helps for living a more powerful life we make a complete circle and come right back to those standard virtues which we were taught in childhood. Somehow, every man realizes that when all is said and done it takes the old-fashioned virtue of courage to build an effective life, and that it requires the quality of patience to see us through a temporary setback, and that there is nothing like plain old persistence for winning our way through the world of people. Deep within himself every man knows that these are the essentials which always have worked for him and which always will work in his behalf.

Not only does private power supply you with public leadership and authority, but it contributes in a very special manner to your daily enjoyment of life. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow declares, "To be strong is to be happy."

With all these benefits in mind, let's identify five of your major strengths, then go on to discover how they can add to your influence over people. They are:

1. Self-Resourcefulness

2. Self-Determination

3. Self-Influence

4. Self-Insight

5. Self-Correction

The first point we want to make is that you release your dynamic energies for leadership and authority when you:

1 Rollo May, Ph.D., Mans Search for Himself (New York: W. W. Norton and Company, Inc., 1953).

Employ Your Self-Resourcefulness

Some students of the Civil War believe that Nathan Bedford Forrest was the foxiest general to appear in that conflict. Why do they rank him alongside or even above such notable commanders as Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, U.S. Grant? Because General Forrest had fully developed that high-powered character trait which we call Self-Resourcefulness.

Legend has it that one afternoon Forrest was leading 50 of his Confederate troopers on a raid of the countryside. Suddenly, as they rounded a turn in the road, there appeared before them 1,000 Union soldiers. It was hard to say which side was more shocked by the trap which the Confederates had run into—but it was Forrest who instantly called upon his inner originalities. He yelled loudly while pointing excitedly toward the sky, at the same time signaling to his men that they should imitate his action, which they promptly did. While the Union soldiers stared puzzled at whatever they were supposed to see in the blue sky, Forrest and his troops galloped to safety.

You are 10 times more resourceful than you think you are.

Because you are, you can achieve 10 times as much as you think you can.

"I don't know about that," commented Phillip E., who had an air of defeat and discouragement about him. "I just can't seem to reach inside myself and withdraw anything useful."

"Where," I asked, "do you need to be self-resourceful?"

"Quite frankly, in getting along with the little lady in my life. I'd like a little less fussing between us and a little more fun. Is that asking too much?"

"What have you done about it?"

"Nothing that really works. I'm confused."

"Then the first resourceful thing you can do is to clarify your thinking toward the problem. A confused mind can produce only confused and worthless actions—as you already know."

He nodded painfully. "How well I know."

"Why don't you handle the problem with some originality?"

"Make a suggestion."

"Stop fighting the situation and try to understand what is involved in it. Haven't you noticed that the more you fight a problem the worse it gets?"

"Yes. Why is that?"

"Because you are trying to win an argument instead of solving the problem. An argument can never be won, it can only be harmful. Learn to place your personal interests ahead of your angry pride. Don't defend your vanity, go after a pleasant relationship. You can continue to sacrifice yourself to your pride if you want, but don't complain when you lose out on what you could have had."

Phillip was thoughtful for a moment, then said, "You suggested that I should stop fighting the problem. All right. I'm willing. Please tell me exactly what to do."

"Employ the technique of Reverse Reaction. This means that whenever you and your lady approach a crisis in your relationship, you react in reverse of any negativities she may display. If she's angry, you stay sweet. If she criticizes you, fail to criticize in return. If she angrily withdraws from you, do not also withdraw from her."

"It sounds so simple."

"That is exactly why you haven't used it. Your prides and your confusions and your hurts have unnecessarily complicated things."

"Reverse Reaction. Sounds interesting. What will happen when I use it?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself?"

Phillip did. It worked. It had to work. Once he refused to struggle with the problem it ceased to be one. Phillip's lady discovered that he was really a much nicer man than she had thought. Phillip also discovered that his lady was far more pleasant than he had given her credit for.

The tremendous principle of Reverse Reaction never fails. It is a perfect resource which gives you quiet mastery over people and circumstances.

Try it. See for yourself.

The Miracle of Self-Determination

You have your choice of living your own life or of letting other people live it for you. The more you live your own, the greater personal power you will have with other people; the less you determine your own activities the less influence you have. It is really as simple as that.

"The question is," a prominent clergyman remarked in a recent television appearance, "how much of your life is determined by your choices.”

You can, if you choose, let other people run your life for you. And I guarantee that in the long run they will contribute more to its ruin than to its construction.

Don't waste your time and energies wondering about the opinions of others toward you. Learn to ignore criticism. Take it as a compliment that they need you to criticize, and keep plunging ahead. Never permit another person to determine your decisions or your beliefs or your emotional moods. Your feelings not only belong to you, but you are in masterful control of them, that is, if you will only take the control that is really yours.

When you make responses to other people, make up your mind that you will respond as you really want to, not according to what is expected of you. Above all, never react in a certain way just because you have been doing it that way for years. Don't be afraid to walk into a room full of people without a customary smile on your face. At first people will think that you are worried about something because they themselves do not smile when they are worried. But after a while they will see that the reason you do not smile as much as they do is because you have dissolved the need to give the impression of being unworried. They will be attracted to you because you are more real then they are.

An American who exerted profound influence on millions of his fellow citizens and who today is regarded as one of the most powerful thinkers ever produced in this country once wrote as follows: "What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule . . . may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it ... the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

It was such individualism that made Ralph Waldo Emerson the power-for-good that he was.

Also, Self-Determination is the cause of more financial success in the world than can be imagined. For instance:

There was once a man who during his lifetime was able to give more than $350,000,000 to worthy causes. One of the reasons he amassed so much wealth was because he had made up his mind that he and Self-Determination were going to march together up the road to financial fortune. An incident that occurred when he was a minor official of a Pennsylvania railroad will show how this power served to make him an outstanding employee. One day an accident occurred which blocked the normal rail traffic. Only one man could give the official order which would clear the tracks and get traffic back to its normal flow. That man was Superintendent Thomas A. Scott. The minor official went in search of Scott, but he couldn't be found. The traffic continued to line up on both sides of the wreck. The situation grew desperate. That minor official decided that someone had to have the courage to make a decision, so he made it on the spot by giving the order to clear the tracks. The engines and cars were soon rolling forward again. When Superintendent Scott heard that his employee had taken personal charge of the situation he commended him for his individualism and topped the commendation with a raise in salary.

That is how Self-Determination carried that railroad official all the way to the top in the world of industry and finance. His name was Andrew Carnegie.

You can clear your path toward Self-Determination by remembering that:

Self-Influence Is the Greatest Influence There Is

We used to have a shaggy collie dog who had grown somewhat careless in his thinking habits. Whenever the hounds down the street started barking, our collie lazily lifted his head, stared straight ahead with boredom, and yelped unenthusiastically a few times. He didn't really know why he was doing what he was doing; it was much as if he shrugged the thought, "The others are barking; guess I'm supposed to bark too."

We need not fall into a thinking-trap like Fido. None of us need to sway before the pointless influence of other people, much less do what they do because it seems to be the proper thing to do. Unfortunatly, lots of people do.

If you are not alert, even such an impersonal element as the weather can cover you with a negative influence. Tests made recently by a group of psychologists show that people are less happy and more irritable during gloomy weather. Why? Because they carelessly permit clouds and cold winds to seep into their systems, thus making them as gloomy on the inside as the weather is on the outside. If something like this ever happens to you, resist being influenced and victimized by fully realizing that you are permitting an impersonal element to personally affect you.

Self-Influence is the greatest kind of influence there is!

That is why you should make up your mind right now that you are going to be influenced by you.

Harold J., a junior executive, made up his mind that he was going to do just that. As he dropped into my office, he said, "I feel that I could get places a lot faster by tackling this problem of outside influence."

"I asked, "What's the specific problem?"

He replied, "I'm not sure, except that I don't know how to influence myself with my own sound judgments and ideas. I believe they are just as good as the next man's, but still, I give in too easily to others—and more often than not, they are wrong. I don't mind making my own mistakes, but who wants to follow the other man into a snare? I'm tired of drifting on the currents of the other man's mind. How can I straighten myself out?"

"You already suggested the solution. Influence yourself toward thinking for yourself."

"How do I do that?"

"Down at the office, whenever someone suggests a course of action, stop right there and say to yourself, 'All right, that's what he thinks should be done, but what do I think? Honestly, now, what do I think?' Draw yourself as close as possible to what you really think and feel about it. If your ideas turn out contrary to his, quietly suggest them to him. He is not afraid to tell you what he thinks, so why should you hesitate toward him? Practice this technique during the next few weeks."

Harold nodded. "I can see how that would place me under my own influence. All right. I'll make it a habit to ask myself, 'Honestly, Harold, what do you think?'"

"Fine. That question has a way of drawing your own good judgments out of the pool of mere public opinion. You will eventually find yourself capable of ten times your present independence. Actually, you are far sharper than you think. This is the way to prove it."

It's a delightful day when a man discovers for himself that Self-Influence is the best kind of influence there is. "Doubt whom you will, but never yourself." (Bovee)

Develop Your Power of Self-Insight

A sure road toward understanding the other man—and thereby influencing him—is to first understand yourself. "He who knows himself knows others." (Colton) Self-Insight is one of the richest treasures you possess, and one which is never exhausted; you can always discover more value within yourself. By Self-Insight we mean the ability to understand why we act as we do and why we think along certain lines. It means examining our opinions and convictions to discover why we have them in the first place and why we cling to them so passionately.

To develop adequate Self-Insight we must frankly face ourselves as we actually are, not as we would like to see ourselves or as we want others to see us.

How does this relate to your power to master and command people? Well, remember that human behavior follows certain basic patterns. Therefore, if you can get first-hand knowledge of its principles by observing yourself in action, you enable yourself to predict the attitudes and behavior of the other man. You already do this to some extent or other. For instance, you enter a friend's backyard and find him adding the finishing touches to his homemade barbecue pit. You know very well that he wouldn't at all mind a compliment or two on his skill in building the pit. How do you know what he wants and needs from you? Because you yourself wouldn't at all mind a word of praise in a similar situation. Your insight into your own need for a kind word enables you to understand his need, therefore you say the thing that influences him toward you in a favorable way. That is a very obvious example of the persuasive force found in self-knowledge. Its development can empower you far more than may be obvious to you at present.

Listen to what Professor Ernest R. Groves has to say:

He who is sound in his knowledge of himself is most likely to meet successfully the social problems that confront him in life. His willingness to scrutinize himself shows a fact-facing disposition which augurs well for any undertaking. More than this, it indicates his thorough-going determination to discover the resources he has at hand . . .2

A New Yorker who runs a travel agency uses his Self-Insight to earn more money. His system is really as simple as it is profitable.

He asks himself, "If I came into my agency as a prospective traveler, what would I want the owner to say to me? How could he appeal most effectively to me?" He then makes a list of phrases which would persuade himself to buy a ticket, such as:
"You'll meet new friends."

'It's an exciting adventure."

"You'll get away from it all."

"Travel keeps you youthful."

"You'll be surprised at all your fun."

These key phrases form a part of his talks with prospective clients, and are included in his advertising material. They never fail to hit home, for they hit the prospect squarely in his desire for something different and something more adventurous.

Earlier in this book we spoke of the need to become aware of what you want from your interpersonal relations. Now you have still another reason for acquiring this awareness. That reason is this: You must have an idea of what you want if you are to understand what other people want, for your basic needs are the very same as those longed for by others. By knowing what they need you can satisfy them; by satisfying them you can influence them.

Ask yourself how well you know yourself. To that very same degree you will know and control others.

Self-Insight is a personal power you should start developing to maximum use right now. I have never known a man who had it who didn't also have the magic power to persuade and command people.

The Profit of Self-Correction

Recently at a dinner in Hollywood an executive in the entertainment business was telling me of a major problem of his. He explained, "It's the attitudes of some of the people whom I try to help get ahead. It's strange how reluctant they are to admit to making a mistake or to concede that something has them baffled. They are of the opinion that I'll think less of them unless they are 100 percent efficient. Little do they know how much I admire the man who admits his shortcomings. That's the man I can help—and the man who can help himself to an advanced career."

2 Understanding Yourself, by Ernest R. Groves, Rev. Ed. 1949; copyright 1939, 1941 by Emerson Books, Inc. Reprinted by permission of the publishers.

There is something humanly likeable about admitting one's shortcomings and errors. And there is something extra appealing about the person who faces his need for correction. It takes mature strength to admit and solve problems in our business practices and within the home circle. One of the best things about Self-Correction is this: If we do it, others won't be so tempted to try and do it for us! We retain our independence.

People generally take one of two courses when confronted by a problem needing correction. One course, unfortunately chosen too frequently, is to get involved with the emotional factors surrounding the situation. When this happens a person loses his ability to think clearly and to act accurately, and as a consequence is unable to serve his own best interests. Any of the negative emotions, such as envy and self-pity, are bound to swell both the problem and the pressure on the person involved with it.

The other choice—and the courageous one—is to stubbornly set your mind on the problem itself. It is amazing how quickly we can clear things up simply by giving our earnest and wholehearted attention to the very thing which bothers us.

One of the wisest actions you can ever take is to develop a Correction Consciousness. This simply means that you build within yourself an enthusiastic desire to correct your problems, and not to fight them or evade them or weep over them. It means that your only objective is a satisfying solution. Nothing else counts; nothing else will be tolerated.

Here are three sound suggestions for building your all-important Correction Consciousness:

1. Recently a woman dropped me a friendly note thanking me for help she had received from a previous book of mine.3 She wrote:

Dear Mr. Howard:

I’ve just learned something about daily achievement. Something exciting! That exciting thing is that there is always a right way to do anything! All a person really needs to do is find that right way. That guarantees his success. If we fail to get what we want it is only because we have not grasped that simple but spectacular truth.

3Vernon Howard, Success Through the Magic of Personal Power (Englewood Cliffs, N. J.: Prentice-Hall, Inc., 1961).
People are funny. They brood over the wrong way, instead of thinking in terms of correction. Just because they don't see the proper procedure they foolishly believe it doesn't exist. Believe me, the answer is always there. I know. I personally prove it every day.

The best reason for believing in the existence of a right solution to your problem is that it really exists.

2. Continually ask yourself, "Which do I want most-progress or retreat?" The very asking of the question has a way of nudging you toward Self-Correction. Once you realize that you can either go forward or be left behind, you are quite naturally going to take the course that serves your best interests.

An acquaintance of mine was once told by his employer that he was out of place working at an office desk which required so much accuracy with bookkeeping duties. For the moment the employee was stunned and hurt, but immediately started looking around for a solution. Going to the personnel office he requested a transfer to the public relations department. Because he made up his mind to correct the problem he eventually corrected himself all the way to his private office with his name on the door.

3. A British patrol in India was once pursued by enemy troops. The commanding officer ordered his patrol to retreat into the mouth of a nearby valley. He at once saw his mistake, for the opposite end of the valley was blocked by an impassable mountain peak. The officer acted at once. He swung his patrol around, and before the pursuers had time to trap them, the soldiers dashed out of the valley to freedom.

Remember that one of the greatest principles for human growth and personal enrichment is: never try to protect a mistake. The more we attempt to justify a false position the more we are bound by it. Whenever you make an error, look at it squarely-even cheerfully—and then take immediate action. Don't wait for the ideal solution to pop up; it never does. Just go ahead with whatever imperfect plans seem best for the time. This is the honest and courageous Self-Correction that carries your human relations from fair to good to superb in the shortest time possible.

Power-Builders From This Chapter

1. Psychologists, philosophers, and wise men of all ages agree wholeheartedly that every man possesses 10 times the power he actually uses. Make it your aim to prove it to yourself.

2. Personal power is the single greatest attraction you have. When fully released, it charms people and lures fortune.

3. Remember the value of the five self-powers covered in this chapter. "All who become men of power reach their estate by self-mastery." (J. G. Holland)

4. Practice the technique of Reverse Reaction. Don't be surprised when it serves you with unexpected authority.

5. Make up your mind that you are going to live your life. There is no one on earth with a better right to it.

6. Do you want good measures of leadership and authority? If so, start influencing yourself with the idea that they can be won. Once you are convinced that you can have them, you will! We commonly call this the power of faith.

7. Social skill is largely a result of knowing that person whom you call you. Get better acquainted with your self.

8. Cultivate a Correction Consciousness.

9. Never forget that there is always a successful way to do anything you really want to do.

10. Every time you correct yourself you charge yourself with extra personal strength. Make enough corrections and you will have more than enough people who will want to do things for you. If you don't believe it, try it.

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