Chapter - 16

Miracle-Making Forces To Change Your Life

The story is told of a king of ancient India who summoned to his castle all the wise men of his kingdom.

He told them, "To the one who performs the miracle I request shall be given whatsoever his heart desires."

"What miracle, O King," asked the wise men, "do you require?"

"I wish," the monarch declared, "to have my name written on the bottom of the sea. Even the lowly creatures who inhabit the waters must know and honor my name."

The king and his subjects climbed the stairs to the royal courtyard which overlooked the blue sea. "Write my name on the depths of the ocean," the king again declared, "and your wish is granted."

One by one the wise men shook their heads and drifted away, defeated by the baffling problem. Presently, only one of his majesty's subjects remained at his side. Turning to him, the king inquired, "And you, wise man, will you also leave me without a solution?"

For an answer, the wise man picked up a sea shell, wrote the king's name on it, and tossed it into the deep.

Let this story remind you that miracles of change and newness can happen to you.

Your Mind Can Cause Miracles to Happen

The greatest miracle-making force in the world is your mind. Without the mind causing things to happen, nothing ever happens in this world. That is why we need to examine the vast empire of the mind as it relates to your plans for winning your way.

Your mind contains attitudes. Your attitudes determine your actions. Your actions result in either victory or defeat. It is therefore vital that we discover just what kind of attitudes a man employs toward both himself and toward other people.

We are going to look at 40 false attitudes which cause failure and unhappiness. By becoming aware of them, we can clearly see their opposites, that is, the opposite affirmative attitudes which result in affirmative actions which spell success and happiness.

Never take the attitude:

1. That there is no answer to your problem.

2. That other people bar your way to success.

3. That you have to do things the hard way.

4. That you cannot change for the better.

5. That conflict is a permanent part of your life.

6. That you cannot win what you want.

7. That people will never seek you out.

8. That you must despair over personal faults.

9. That you cannot be free of the past.

10. That you need be afraid of people.

11. That no one can help you.

12. That confusion is a necessary condition.

13. That you need be a slave to worry.

14. That you cannot win financial abundance.

15. That you have no inner resources.

16. That you must sacrifice yourself to others.

17. That your sex life cannot be bettered.

18. That courage will never come.

19. That you will never find fun in life.

20. That you cannot influence others.

If you find yourself a victim of any of these mistaken viewpoints, do an about-face at once. This will face you in the refreshing direction that leads to a new life.

To continue, never believe:

21. That life is pointless.

22. That your hurts will never go away.

23. That people need irritate you.

24. That anxiety is necessary.

25. That you have no right to rebel.

26. That you cannot command additional respect.

27. That the future is hopeless.

28. That failure cannot be overcome.

29. That you will never meet valuable people.

30. That the opposite sex need be a problem.

31. That loneliness cannot be dissolved.

32. That personal authority is not for you.

33. That you need be a victim of circumstances.

34. That you have no right to ask of others.

35. That heartache must be endlessly endured.

36. That mistakes cannot be corrected.

37. That other people do not need you.

38. That it is too late for peace of mind.

39. That you cannot brighten your personality.

40. That you will never find what you desire.

Charles K., an accountant, once dropped in for help. He informed me that he was weighed down by a mass of negative attitudes toward people, including some of the 40 just covered. He concluded his story by sighing, "It's hopeless, Nothing can really be done to improve my relations with other people."

Over the years I have found that nothing awakens a negative person more than the simple question with which I replied to Charles. I asked him, "How do you know? You say it's hopeless, you think it is, you feel it is, but honestly, Charles, how do you really know?"

Charles said he didn't know, then added, "I'm like a man opening new doors all the time and finding nothing more than another prison cell. Nothing can be done."

"How do you know?"

He shrugged.

"Let me ask, Charles, that you listen with a receptive mind as we go into this. What you claim you 'know' is merely a condition of your mind. Because you are conscious only of hopelessness, you wrongly conclude that hopelessness is all that exists. You think that you 'know' that nothing can be done because your mind says so. But your mind is playing tricks on you. Stop 'knowing' so much. Cease to think that you are thinking accurately. Do this and it won't be long before you are thinking on the outside of your negative circle. You will know what it is to be joyously free."

We then went into some of the plans contained in this book, especially those found in Chapter 7. Charles is presently finding his own magic power for persuading and commanding people.

Another caller, Helen B., told me that she was bothered by the negative attitude listed at point 37. She felt that other people just didn't need her.

"There is a simple way to change your mind about that" I told her. "Get into action. Prove to yourself that others not only need you but need you deeply and constantly."

The technique Helen used can also be employed by you. You can experiment personally by doing the following: Go out and buy a surprise for someone you like, perhaps your spouse or child or friend. It need not be an expensive gift, perhaps a box of candy or a pretty trinket, some little thing like that. If the receiver is the lady in your life, get her aside, pat her affectionately on the shoulder, tell her that you have a special surprise for

her alone. Watch her face light up at the mere announcement. Now give her the surprise. Watch the delight that your surprising act inspires. Also he alertly aware of the power you have to make another react favorably to you.

There are few human hearts so cold that they will not melt before the warmth of the unexpected favor. "Please surprise me" is a constant yearning in everyone's heart. It assures us that the giver is thinking of us and that he likes us enough to spend time in arranging the event. The delight of being surprised is what makes a birthday gift so much fun to open and it is what makes us tingle when we get an unexpected phone call from someone we love.

Surprise has considerable commercial value also. The businessman who incorporates it into his plans will find that it pays dividends. It is the appeal that makes children race for the package with the unknown toy inside and also the power that urges us to buy Chinese cookies with their little messages always promising us forthcoming good fortune.

All of this makes the element of surprise a powerful people-persuader. If you want to command another's attention or affection or buying impulses then you should take the initiative in surprising him. You will be happily surprised at its ability to build your command.

The important thing to remember is that other people need you far more than you may think. They need your company, your personality, your time, and especially your influence. The secret of successful command is to make yourself so valuable a person that they of themselves seek you out. This is something you can certainly do.

Be Understanding

People will beat a path to the door of the man or woman who genuinely understands them. So many people unhappily feel that they have no one they can talk to, not a friend in whom they can confide, no one around to whom they can tell their troubles. And their unhappy feeling is unfortunately so often based in fact—there never are enough truly understanding people to go around. Oh, yes, there are those who impatiently put up with them, who give them phony advice, who listen only long enough to come back with some problem of their own. There are also those who want to reform them, but people don't want to be reformed, they want to be understood and liked and comforted.

"I understand," is pure magic to the other person when spoken and meant by you.

You can develop your understanding of people by using the techniques in this book slanted for that special purpose. As we have seen all along in these pages, it is your insight into people that gives you a mature power to enrich both them and yourself.

Take the time when the other person complains of being too tired to go along with your plans. The understanding individual will realize from the start that a man almost never complains of tiredness when that condition results from good and old-fashioned hard physical labor. As a matter of fact, people enjoy this kind of weariness, for there is genuine satisfaction in the sleepy state which comes after hard work well done. People who chronically complain of weariness do so for reasons connected with their complaints or frustrations. Human beings get tired emotionally for two reasons: 1. From doing things they really don't want to do. 2. From not doing things they really want to do.

By understanding this, you could look around for ways to free such a weary person from his emotionally-constructed prison.

The other day a friend of mine phoned to tell me that he just didn't feel like making the effort to attend a business meeting of a certain club. "Don't forget," I reminded him, "the business will be short. The rest of the evening is purely social-lots of food and fun!"

He laughed, "Funny, but all of a sudden I'm not as tired!"

"I understand" are two of the kindest words you can ever speak to another person—and also two of the most appreciated words the other man can ever hear you speak.

Let's look at that magic power we call empathy.

Empathy, that wise ability to understand another person's thoughts and feelings and sensitivities, can be used to win that other person. I want to tell you an illustrative story about one man whose kindly empathy makes him liked, appreciated, and sought after.

This man is a Los Angeles minister who receives many calls from people needing his counsel. One afternoon, while lunching together, he told me of a habitual practice of his:

"Once my phone starts ringing I always answer it as soon as I can, after the first ring if possible. There is a definite psychological reason for this. You see, many callers are timid about getting in touch with me in the first place. They somehow feel as if they're bothering me. So once they dial my number they get nervous, and the longer the phone rings the shakier they get. By answering promptly I cut off that nervous tension. Although a caller may not be consciously aware of what has happened, the end of the ringing and the start of our conversation represents a real relief which he appreciates."

By practicing empathy in such small matters as this, that minister has earned the right to be liked and respected.

(Incidentally, watch yourself sometimes, especially when dialing a prominent person or whenever you want a favor from someone. You will see what that minister was talking about!)

There is no time when your empathy means more to the other person than when he is upset or jittery or anxious. And since people experience these painful states quite frequently, they are always on the lookout for someone who can ease the pressure a bit. Here is what Dr. Camilla M. Anderson writes about it:

. . . the conscious or unconscious goal of every person in every detail of his life is to maintain himself as free from anxiety as possible . . . Anxiety is a psychological pain that is so uncomfortable that everyone does his best to be free from it.1

Develop your empathy.

1 Saints, Sinners and Psychiatry, by Camilla M. Anderson, M.D. Paperback ed., The Durham Press, Portland, Ore., 1962.

Cheerful News

During a class I was conducting, one of the ladies brought up the question, "Why do you place so much emphasis on what we should be? Why not spend more time telling us what to do? After all, it's what we do that finally counts."

"Because," I replied, "the most persuasive force you possess is what you are. Most people have a dim awareness that their outer actions are but extensions of their inner selves, but a total awareness of this fact will work miracles of transformation."

Everything that you do depends upon what you are. If you are strong inwardly, you will express that strength in acts and words. If you possess poised emotions, you will display that poise naturally and effortlessly when with others. If you are basically a peaceful person, you will have no problem living peacefully and, incidentally, quite appealingly with those who know you.

A cherry tree produces cherries with naturalness and with spontaneity because it is a cherry tree. It doesn't have to struggle, it merely blossoms forth with its own nature. Likewise, when we work first of all with our own natures, we blossom with wholesome and attractive personalities.

This is an excellent time to speak of something that will always be likeable. I'm speaking of that happy trait called cheerfulness. It is something anyone can have.

Want to know the natural condition of your life? "Nature designed us to be of good cheer." (Douglas Jerrold)

Like to build your strength? "Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, altogether past calculation its powers of endurance." (Thomas Carlyle)

Want to be thought wise? "The most manifest sign of wisdom is continued cheerfulness." (Michel Montaigne)

Wish to increase your health? "Cheerfulness is, in the first place, the best promoter of health." (Joseph Addison)

Like to be an inspiration to other people? "You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make earnest efforts to confer that pleasure on others?" (L. M. Child) How can you release more cheer into your life?

Enjoy people.
Simply enjoy people. Learn to put fun and pleasure into every area of your human relations. Anyone can do it. All you have to do is do it.

I am thinking of a woman who possesses an outstandingly attractive personality. When I asked her the secret of her constant popularity, she replied, "Easy, really. At one time I made up my mind that I was simply going to enjoy people, regardless of who they are or what they are like. What a relief to my nerves and a thrill to my day! It's miraculous how a simple decision like that can uplift everything. All you have to do is make up your mind that you are not going to do anything with people but to enjoy them. Know what? That makes them enjoy you!"

This must have been what English author John Ruskin meant when he declared, "You were made for enjoyment, and the world is filled with things you will enjoy."

All you have to do is do it.

Simple Systems for Swift Success

We have just covered some lively ideas for making thought-power work in your behalf. Now let's look at the logical follow-up to thought: Action. "Thought and action are the redeeming features of our lives." (Zimmermann)

In this section you will discover some exciting techniques for using everything you have absorbed from this book. They add the finishing touch to the good work you have been doing all along.

SET ASIDE A CLARITY HOUR

A man once remarked to me, "You know my chief problem in life? Confusion. Plain old mental confusion. I have no doubts but that I would live ten times as happily if I could just learn to think clearly."

That man was echoing a major problem of millions of people. Confusion is a chief enemy of successful human relations. That is why you are acting intelligently when you set aside a Clarity Hour. This should be a period devoted entirely to clearing up questions and confusions. It is delightfully startling how a man recovers his inner strengths once he clears away the jungles of doubts and perplexities.

During your Clarity Hour, try to discover just where you may be holding yourself back. One man found that he was spending entirely too much time just thinking about his goals instead of acting upon them. Lots of people make that mistake. They make mental notes that someday they will do this or that, and that is as far as it goes. Don't store up mental notes. Learn to get your inspirations into immediate action. Whenever you think about doing something, do something about it. Even a small act carries you forward.

Use your Clarity Hour to turn your mind toward creative action. Example: For every thought you think about ways to save money, you should give 10 thoughts to ways to earn more money. You don't become wealthy through saving what you have; you win your financial fortune by acquiring what you haven't.

EXAMINE YOUR SUCCESSES

One day a Southern California man named Rudolph Boy-sen was looking over his blackberry patch when he spotted something extraordinary. One of the plants was entirely different from the others. Boysen curiously studied the surprising result in his blackberry patch, then decided to cultivate it. A seedling from that plant produced the large, juicy, colorful berry which bears the name—the boysenberry.

The most exciting and rewarding kind of study you can make is the examination of your successes, large and small. Whenever you score a hit through your skillful handling of people, look it over with an enthusiastic determination to uncover its secrets. Ask yourself exactly how you carried it off. Become aware of what you did that made things happen as they did. What techniques were used? Where can you duplicate its success?

It is a peculiar fact about the human mind that it resists looking closely at a success it has brought about. We have the peculiar notion that if we pay too much attention to success it will fly away. We feel as if there is some magic involved that should not be tampered with. Not only that, but we are so elated over the happy result that we miss the really significant point— the cause of that gratifying outcome.

While you should certainly enjoy any success you have brought about, you should spend most of your time looking with curiosity at the creative factors involved, and work at producing more of them. Good outcomes are automatic once you set the right causes into action.

LET YOURSELF BE SUPPORTED BY SCIENTIFIC PRINCIPLES

You can't go wrong in using the techniques of this book. Just remember that you are working with solidly scientific principles governing human nature. In other words, they work. Whenever you run into a problem with other people, look around for the proper system to support your plans for persuasion. By doing this you will not fail to see changes and improvements in both yourself and in those people with whom you live and associate. Have confidence in this.

Take as an example a time when you are dealing with a person who doesn't seem to respond to your persuasions. It could be an employer whom you wish to influence in your favor, or perhaps you want to help your spouse or your children. You may be tempted to think that nothing can be done, that he or she cannot change his behavior. You may believe that human nature is fixed in a pattern that cannot be altered. But what is the truth about it? Do people really change? Can a man's attitude and behavior be influenced? Here is the fact of the matter:

Many people have the idea that attitudes cannot be changed. This is a false concept. Probably the most hopeful aspect of the study of attitudes is the observation that attitudes can and do change.2

One scientific way to change attitudes is through the use of repetition. Notice how the advertisers repeat their sales messages over and over. They know that a man first pays attention to the message. Then he grows curious as to what is offered. His alert interest then takes over. His desire to own the product mounts. He may finally go out and buy it. This principle can be varied and employed in all your human relations.

Let yourself be supported by all the powers of persuasion. They work.

KEEP YOURSELF ENTHUSIASTIC

"Enthusiasm," says Ralph Waldo Emerson, "is the leaping lightning."

In the first chapter of this book you discovered six exciting reasons why you should strike out with lightning-like enthusiasm toward your goals with people. At this point I want to make an addition which shows you how to keep yourself excited.

Look at the Upward Wave:
 
Any time you feel dismayed at your lack of progress in winning people, remember the Upward Wave. Picture it in your imagination. Let it remind you that no matter how pointless your journey seems to be, you are really traveling somewhere — upward! Even if you think that your plans have taken a downward dip, remember that it is all part of the ever-rising Upward Wave. Everything that happens to you with other people can be used as an elevating experience. Let it.

2 By permission from Psychology in Business, by Leslie R. Beach and Elon L. Clark, copyright 1959. McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc.

Review Your Life-Changing Ideas

1. Remember the story of the king and the wise man, which opens this chapter. Let it encourage you to cause miracles to happen to your own life. Anyone can make miracles of change and newness.

2. Work at reversing the listed 40 negative attitudes. It is positively intelligent to examine and work with any negative attitudes you may find.

3. Never believe that confusion or hopelessness are necessary conditions in your life. If you only knew the free dom and peace that exists just beyond!

4· Believe that other people need you. They do.

5. Your understanding of the other person is a miracle-working force in your behalf. Everyone you know needs kindly understanding. Supply that need and they will seek you out constantly.

6. Develop your power of empathy. Learn to be aware of the other person's feelings and sensitivities. "You must look into people as well as at them." (Chesterfield)

7. Nature intends us to be cheery. Cheerfulness builds your energy. It is a sign of wisdom. It attracts and inspires others. It is easier to be cheery than gloomy.

Reasons enough!

8. Decide that you are going to enjoy everyone you meet. Regardless of who or what they are, determine that you are going to get something of value from them. To do this is not selfishness; it is the height of intelligence.

9. Remember that the attitudes and opinions of other people can be changed. They can be changed by the persuader who works in harmony with the scientific principles of human nature. Let that influential scientist be you.

10. Keep the Upward Wave constantly before you in your imagination. It means that even your dips of doubt and discouragement are part of your upward progress. You have every reason to be enthusiastic toward your goals.

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